Lust or Love?

Let’s face it, in today’s world, everywhere we look we see sex.  Sex sells.

I mean, I bet this picture got your attention right?

This post is written from a Man’s perspective because, well, I am a Man, but I am certain much of this applies to women too.  

Because sex is everywhere we look, for many of us, lust runs our lives, whether we are conscious of it or not.  All too often, we mistake lust for love, especially those of us that endured abandonment from a parent, in some form or another, during the critical early childhood development stage of 7 years and younger, and/or sexual trauma.

Abandonment wounds can look like many different things but are the same core wound.  It could look like a parent that was not a part of our lives at all, like literally abandoned us, for one reason or another.  It could look like a parent that was so consumed by their career or providing for the needs of the family that their presence is non-existent, too tired to be present even when they are in the home.  It could even look like the very common, modern day societal driven need for dual income households and children being raised by daycare providers, rather than receiving the nurturing and presence from their parents.  Different details, same wound.

Not the case for all, but in many instances, this core childhood wound shows up later in life through relationships and, often times, shows up as mistaking Lust for Love.  By this I mean, mistaking physical attention as affection and Love, attempting to fill the void left in us through our childhood wounds, often leading to mis-aligned relationships blinded by lust.  I know this has definitely been a factor for me and my journey with relationships/lust.

For the most part, gone are the days of actual courtship and getting to know someone before jumping into bed with them, because “hooking up” on the first date has become the societal norm and almost an expectation, completely bypassing true connection and taking all the Divine power, strength and magic out of sexual experiences.

Shifting now to my perception from a Male viewpoint and speaking from this place, my experience, and my journey of breaking free from the grips lust had on me and my life, this is where I am speaking to men, however it may resonate with some women too.  

Free porn, sex visible and blatantly displayed/portrayed through all forms of media, targeted social media, dating and hookup websites, extremely revealing fashion trends, like anywhere our senses can perceive, there’s sex, making it all too easy to fall into the trap of lust and to act from this place.  This is by design, to keep us small, to keep us in a box, in a place of lack, and to disempower us as Men, creating a block in having a relationship that is actually fulfilling, let alone Divine and robbing us of our ever so Powerful and Sacred Life Force Energy.  But is it robbing us if we are willingly giving it?

So with all that is on display to us, how do break free from the grips it has on our lives?

A very close brother of mine and a man I am now honored to call my son in-law, whom I am so blessed to know walks beside my first born daughter, once expressed to me, during a deep conscious conversation, these words: 

“It’s not about what’s on display for us to perceive, it’s about what’s in the heart of the perceiver.”

PowerFlow words right there!  But what does that even mean?  What’s in your heart?  Do you have lack/lust in your heart, or do you desire true, deep connection with a partner?  It’s all about knowing what you truly desire.  Can you look at a very attractive person in the revealing clothing that is the norm these days and simply appreciate the beauty displayed in front of you, or is the first thought sexual?  We are humans, we are sexual beings, so of course an attractive person is going to catch our attention, but its about where it goes from there, what are your thoughts and what is done after having those thoughts.  Let’s give grace to ourselves here, but begin to simply notice our thoughts the next time this encounter happens.

My son-in-law and I continued the conversation by talking about Satan (the label we used for simplification purposes in conversation representing dark energy, dark forces, Spirit attachments, however you as the perceiver desire to label it) and how he only needs a small crack to get in, but once he’s in, your actions could go far away from what your conscious mind knows to be true and good for you.  A very simple example of this is sugar.  We all know that too much processed sugar is bad for our health, like really bad, but once we get a little taste of that sweetness, it’s really hard maintain willpower.  I mean, how many times have you thought “I’ll just have a little bit of ice cream” but before you know it, the carton is empty?  I personally have shifted my relationship with sugar simply through knowing myself, awareness and intent.  I know if I have it in the house, in large quantities, I’m not going to stop until it’s gone, so with this awareness, I simply choose to not have much, if any, in the house.  I also know that should I choose to over-indulge, I’m going to pay for it by how I feel in my Body, Mind and Spirit.  I will recover, but there will be a period of discomfort. 

Before I dive back into the topic of lust, I feel called to share my perception of Satan.  I think of him as one of the Creator’s most powerful and important Angels, Morningstar, the bringer of the light.  I believe this because I believe his role is not some evil underlord, guardian of damned souls, but rather the Divine Angel meant to expose the darkness within us in order to bring it to the light.  Darkness exists within us all, it’s all about what we choose to do with the darkness once it has been exposed.

Back on topic, so how do we shift away from acting from a place of lust, of lack, when it is so blatantly part of our society.  It’s easy to work with our relationship with sugar because we have control of what we allow into our households, right?  Well, what about what we allow into our Temples, our bodies?  Is this not one and the same?  It is, so we can manage what we allow in, even with it being readily available everywhere we can perceive, through awareness, intent, and choices.  This is how we begin to loosen the grip and control lust has on our lives.

If you recognize that lust affects your relationships and life experiences, you have the awareness.  Next comes the intent, make the intent by formulating an expression of your desire to change your relationship with lust and make it known to your highest self and the Divine by expressing it.  This acts as an accountability tool that brings the awareness into the present moment while you are experiencing.  Next comes making better choices and taking actions that support the desire to make change as the awareness and intent bring it to your attention.

Aligned actions that support this shift would look something like making changes on your social media like un-following accounts that have content that incites lustful thoughts, being aware of those thoughts.  It would look like making choices of not putting yourself in environments or situations that have the ability to tempt you.  It would look like changing your relationships with people that are not acting in alignment with your desires and allowing them to influence you.  It looks like making better choices in the media you allow into your awareness, music, television, movies, etc..  And this, this is a big one, it means noticing your thoughts when seeing an attractive person wearing revealing clothing, not shaming the thoughts, simply being aware of them and exploring them, then naturally, this will begin to shift. These are all examples of subtle shifts that can support the journey, but going back to “what is in the heart of the perceiver,” the biggest shift is really knowing what you really want, what do you have in your heart, and taking the time to dig deep and really explore what you want from life, what’s important to you in life, and then evaluating what is within you that is preventing you from having, or keeping, exactly that.  Once you do this, everything that is not in alignment with that naturally begins to fall away and opportunities and experiences to support the shift begin to come in, including growth and healing opportunities to internally align you with what you desire.  

To go a little deeper, from a Spirituality viewpoint, is a reminder that our thoughts create our reality.  Let’s face it, the majority of us are never going to be with that super sexy IG model that has worked oh so hard on their physical appearance and then displays the result of that work for everyone to see.  So what about our lustful thoughts that pop in when viewing them, what are they doing?  Are they harmless?  An understanding that has come to me, as a person who spends as much time in the astral realm as the physical realm, is that the astral realm is just as real as the physical realm and our thoughts ARE putting out what we desire into the astral.  So what are our lustful thoughts putting out?  Are they blocking us from receiving what is attainable to us?  Is it creating a block in connection with someone you already have in your life?  Could it even go as far as to be considered infidelity if you are lusting over someone who is not your partner?  Just some questions to ponder. 

I want to make note here that the journey of overcoming temptations is a continual, ongoing journey, because the temptations will always be there.  However, with awareness, commitment and grace for ourselves as humans, the journey gets easier over time.  We will be tested regularly as an accountability tool and as opportunities to check in with ourselves, what we want from life and what’s in our hearts.  We may fail some tests, we may fail many, but we will always be provided another chance.

What our heart TRULY wants for us, God wants for us, it’s one and the same.  We are so Divinely supported, we will be provided ALL the opportunities to advance us to the point that we are able to receive exactly that.