Astral Rebirth

In the world of healing and growing to be the best version of ourselves, we are reborn countless times as we continue to do the work, releasing the energy of traumas and suppressed emotions, birthing a new version of ourselves, operating at a different frequency.

Just this morning, about 15 minutes ago to be exact, I had an experience in meditation that was a do-over for the way in entered this world: my birth.

Many times, as I am entering into meditation and establishing the direct line to be able to hear God’s voice and have a two way conversation, if I am off balance in my internal masculine/feminine energies, I’ll feel a pull towards the side of my head that represents the energy that is off balance.  When I feel the pull, I address it and check in with it to see what it needs to communicate to me so I can restore the balance.  For me, it is through this balance that a direct line to communicate with God is established.  The energy representing the Divine Feminine often has different identities, it may be Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Isis, Pachamama, the Holy Spirit, etc..  The Divine Masculine however, is always Jesus.  I see it in my mind’s eye as the Holy Trinity, like a triangle, with its base at my eye level, and its point at my third eye level.  The two base points represent the DF/DM, the Mother/Father, left representing the Divine Feminine energy, right the Divine Masculine energy.  The top point, the tip, God.  I can not access the tip, God, if the base is not in balance.  It’s like the Christian belief: the path to God is through the Son, our Father, Christ, but for me, it’s through our parents, the Divine Mother and the Divine Father. 

This morning’s meditation was different.  The sensation was at eye level, far to my left side, like behind my left ear, but it was not a pull, it was more of a pain.  I didn’t recognize it as being a pain at first and was treating it as if it was the pull, attempting to, and speaking with the Divine Mother, but the sensation only spoke louder, as the pain got stronger, to get my attention.  I finished my conversation with the Divine Mother and reassessed.

When I perceive energetic blocks or the stored energy of unprocessed emotions resulting from traumas, whether it be my own when I am sitting with myself, or of others when I am sitting with them, I get sensations in my body at the levels of the 7 main Chakras.  The distance from centerline of the body at the levels determines how old the stored energy or trauma is and the side of the body tells which energy the stored energy or trauma is associated with (right=masculine, left=feminine).  Centerline being present day and distance from center relative to time periods in life, early childhood being far to the side, and past life/generational at the far edge or even beyond the edge.

With that being said, this morning’s sensation, being at the far edge of my body, at the third eye level, behind my ear, it again threw me for a loop and I began to address and communicate with Feminine Ancestors.  They too were happy to communicate with me, however, the pain sensation spoke louder, once again, so, I knew it was something else.  Time to communicate with it in an Internal Family Systems, aka Parts Work, fashion and address the sensation directly to see what it is trying to communicate with me.

When utilizing Parts Work and addressing sensations directly, what they are trying to communicate with you typically comes through as the first thought or vision you have after addressing it and asking it what it is trying to communicate with you.  This morning when I addressed the sensation, the instant vision was a baby in the womb and the thought of how I was born by C-Section, so I instantly knew the sensation at the far left of my Third Eye Chakra level was about my initiation into this world.

Not coincidentally, I have recently had conversations with others about natural child birth and the importance of that initial, skin to skin contact with Mom and Dad too.  Pieces of the puzzle provided for me to put together with this experience.  

So, there in my meditative state, I thought about how I was born.  Well aware that early childhood trauma starts pre-natal, but never having had pre-natal memories or awareness of anything that occurred while I was in the womb, I had never worked with this.  Another layer to the onion, so I was excited and dove in.  I experienced me, in the womb, and rather than coming into the world the natural way, I saw what I can only describe as the curtain being cut open, hands coming in, and me being snatched out of the womb.  As far as I know, the only reason my Mom had to have a C-section with me was because that was how my older Sister came into the world, there were no complications otherwise.

I reflected on what that meant, to be born that way instead of the natural way.  Having had the recent conversation about natural child birth and the fact that the baby plays a role in its own birth, so long as it’s not all loopy from pain meds Momma received, in that it assists in the positioning, contorting and working its way out, I thought and asked the sensation, what was I robbed of in this experience?

The answer was astounding, I couldn’t believe the answer but it made so much sense.  I heard that because I was robbed of doing my part in my own birth, doing what I needed to do to survive and come into this world, I was robbed of the experience of doing for myself.  Confused for a moment because I’ve always taken care of myself, am responsible and expect nobody to do for me, I asked, and got further clarification with the word “first,” as in, doing for me, first, me as a priority, and that made so much sense.

Despite all I’ve experienced and learned, there is still a level of putting the needs of others before my own, it is simply human nature, especially for Men who are Fathers.  We are providers and we self-sacrifice in order to make sure the needs of all whom depend on us and all whom we love are provided for.  The same is said for Mothers who put the needs of their partner and kids above their own.

So, I reflected on that for a moment.  “Me putting me first, me as a priority, feels almost self-serving and selfish," I thought, but then duh, I had to step into Coach mode for myself, lol, and remember all that I’ve learned, and teach others, about how meeting my personal needs first facilitates a far greater ability to meet others needs.  When the needs of my Body, Mind, and Spirit are met, by me, first, the level of energy, motivation, focus, endurance, and tapped in knowledge and wisdom is almost superhuman, so why wouldn’t I do this, always?  

Okay, I got the lesson from the experience and in true Parts Work fashion, I continued on to ask the sensation, the protector, what it needed to let go of the behavior of putting other’s needs above mine and it said to be reborn, the right way.  I was hesitant at first but remembered anything is possible in the astral realm.  I embodied infant, pre-natal me, and had the full birthing experience as Nature intended, experiencing the feeling of not being able to breathe after my Mother’s water broke, knowing I needed to get out in order to survive, and doing what I had to do to get there.  Seeing the doctor’s hands awaiting me as I was birthed naturally, and seeing light for the first time, gasping for air, taking my first breath, and belting out a cry.

Then, I asked the sensation what role it would like to take in replacement of what it’s been doing and it said “Supporting you in taking care of you, first.”  I agreed that was an excellent role and expressed appreciation for the new role.  I let it know that it may be a difficult job at first because, obviously, that behavior has existed my entire life and it would take a while to unlearn it, but it said it was up to the task. 

There was so many more elements to the experience I had this morning, but this is getting long, so I’ll leave it at that and express more of it at a later date, however, the moral of the story is: 

Meeting all of your own needs FIRST facilitates the ability to exponentially meet the needs of others.  Make you the priority.